Online dating has been the go-to way to meet people for two decades, but lately the drawbacks are turning younger people off the experience. Scammers. “Free trials” that blossom into expensive subscriptions. Hours of sifting through profiles only to come up empty. Rejection and “ghosting.”
Not so for older adults. According to a survey by OurTime, a dating site for singles older than 50, 52 per cent of Canadian seniors have tried online dating. And a rise in dating sites designed for those 50-plus, as well as specialized sites, means there are lots of new ways to connect with a potential companion.
We asked RTOERO members if they have tried online dating sites. Some had great experiences, others did not, and yes, some were leery of the possible problems.
And some found love the second time around.
Daughter-approved
Cindy Ranieri (District 34 York Region), 66, embraces the view that “in the end, it’s only the relationships that matter.” She had been widowed for more than 20 years when she went online with a relationship in mind.
Ranieri had tried online dating before, and she found it takes work. She believes in chatting first, then meeting in person. If there’s no chemistry, she wishes them well and moves on. For a time, she was on Plenty of Fish. Then she left, because she was meeting people on vacation, in church and with groups she was interested in. She was with someone for four years, but they broke up just before the pandemic.
Ranieri had been thinking about going back online when her daughter’s friend nudged her into action. The friend helped choose photos and Ranieri wrote the profile, then promptly did nothing else. A week later, the friend came over, logged in and said, “Oh, look, 11 men want to chat with you.”
The first person Ranieri responded to was Allan Griner, 70 and divorced. “I showed my daughter, and she thought he was perfect,” Ranieri says. “We were so compatible, it didn’t seem possible he was real.”
The two chatted three times, then met at a Tim Hortons. Ranieri had said she could stay only an hour, but they yakked for two and a half. It was only after their third date, when she went to his house for a barbecue, that she discovered he lived just minutes from her. “He lives south of Highway 7 and I live north, and we have a completely different circle of friends,” Ranieri says. “We would never have crossed paths.”
She next met his two sons and his large extended family. “I’m the only non-Jewish person, but everyone is just wonderful to me,” she says. The two now live together in their two homes, dividing the time depending on what’s happening.
“Being in love is no different whether you’re 20 or 60,” Ranieri says. “After being together for two years, it’s as good as it was in the first couple of days. We’re so compatible, it’s like he can see right into my heart.”
Finding new love
Eason’s grandmother was a dressmaker in her native England and sewed semi-professionally after emigrating to Canada. “I’ve always sewed, too, after she helped me when I got my first sewing machine at age 16,” she says. Eason made her own wedding dress and her bridesmaids’ dresses and later crafted dance costumes and a wedding dress for her daughter. Now? She designs and sews opera and theatre costumes.
Eason taught 27 years of high school band, so she was always the one organizing groups of students to attend musical performances such as opera. After Eason retired in 2004, Opera York asked if she’d like to help them, and she found her perfect role as costume designer. She also became a costume designer and wardrobe mistress for a local theatre group, taking over from a woman in her 90s.
While costumes for a production are usually set in a specific period, Eason adds her own creative interpretation. “You research the era and may start with a pattern, but then you alter it because it’s never what you want,” she explains. It can take two or three full days to make a period gown, and the opera may have 40 people in the cast. The show might also need extra creativity – for example, coming up with a sack that seems to hold a body but allows the actor to breathe – as well as basics like curtains and tablecloths.
Eason stores her creations in her temperature-controlled basement rec room, along with hats and small props like pocket watches.
While two or three shows a year keep her busy, summers are usually quiet for local theatres, so Eason has time to travel with her husband. She’s also found a whole new circle of friends, including amateur singers and artists.
Eason believes in the power of the arts, especially for students. “Whether it’s music, theatre or painting, a creative outlet is so important to help students be well-rounded. When they go for a job, it goes beyond a math score; it’s what else they do to be a complete person.”
Online dating? RTOERO members have advice
Keep your profile real. “Be truthful with who you are and what you want.” —Lety Dudgeon (District 17 Simcoe County)
Be selective and listen to your instincts. “You quickly learn to weed out the inappropriate contacts.” —Trixy Benner (District 15 Halton)
Be careful. “It’s so easy to be catfished [where a user pretends to be someone else] unless you are vigilant.” —Lenore Ralph (District 31 Wellington)
Do not walk blindly into online dating. “Most people are not what they seem. Everyone has an agenda.” —Helene Daleman (District 28 Region of Durham)
Rekindling the joy
It was difficult being widowed twice, says Adelaine Purdy (District 14 Niagara), 77, “but you need to move on and find joy in living.”
Purdy didn’t date at all in high school and met her first husband in church. They had been married 28 years when he died. After about a year, she reconnected with a former colleague who had also lost a spouse. They married and spent 22 years together, checking destinations off their travel bucket list after she retired as principal of an elementary school in London, Ont. Their final trip was in 2020, and his death during the pandemic threw her into a dark hole.
Toward the end of 2021, Purdy was lonely and wanted companionship. She resumed ballroom dancing as a hobby; a couple of men asked her out and she enjoyed having someone to talk to, but there were no sparks. In early 2022, a friend encouraged Purdy to try online dating. “I was 75 at the time and only had a six-month contract with EliteSingles,” she says. “I went on three or four dates and was about to give up when I was contacted by someone from a sister site, SilverSingles.” The two emailed back and forth for about a week before meeting in person, going on a picnic.
Sparks flew. Despite the strikes against Tom Grand (he lived in Welland, a good two-and-a-half hours’ drive away, and was five years younger), the two immediately clicked. She met his sons and his brothers and visited his house. One year later, he proposed. With the approval of their sons (one for her and three for him), the two married in July 2023, and the new Adelaine Grand is happily living with Tom in Welland. “We consider ourselves very fortunate to have found each other in this vast universe,” she says.
Still looking
Chris Dunn (District 13 Hamilton-Wentworth, Haldimand), 88, has a motto since his wife of 53 years, Geraldine (Gerri), died unexpectedly in 2015: “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.”
Dunn and Gerri had retired in their late 50s and enjoyed more than 20 years of retirement together (“It wasn’t enough!”). He has no intention of remarrying, which suits his three grown children. Still, he’d like to find an athletic woman willing and able to join in the hiking, biking, travelling and other things he enjoys.
Dunn’s been on several dating sites, meeting a mix of obvious scammers and legitimate prospects. “I’ve met two or three wonderful ladies and still consider them friends,” he says. “One was an excellent travel partner, and we went hiking in Portugal and on a Mediterranean cruise. But distance was an issue, and we drifted apart.”
For now, Dunn is still single, still lives alone and is still looking for a partner . . . but he hasn’t given up hope.
Opting out of online dating? Try these old-school alternatives
Let friends and family know you’d be open to an introduction.
Reconnect with people from your past (best friend, high school sweetheart, sports-team members).
Try speed dating.
Go to local community events like free museum days.
Put on your dancing shoes and attend singles nights.
Visit your local library for genealogy research classes, book clubs or author readings.
Join a wine club and attend its regular events.
Go to your local RTOERO events to connect with others; someone may know someone.
Sign up for painting classes or live music nights at local restaurants or bars.
Check your church, local legion and seniors’ centres for activities, classes and events.
On vacation or out with friends, be open to starting conversations with new people.
